Vienna, week 4: grief at a distance

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This is a painful, difficult post to write. On Wednesday, right as I was about to start a job, Mr. called me and said things weren't alright. I didn't have time to speak so I didn't want to hear what the bad news was until after the job (which, thankfully, was only half an hour long)... of course I did imagine all kinds of scenarios while working, but it was the better decision to be in the dark for that time. Because when I did finally call Mr. back to hear the news, it was devastating: our beautiful Fred, 10 years old and healthy, had had a heart attack and died. Just like that. He was rushed to the vets who tried everything to bring him back, but to no avail - our boy is gone.

Run free, beautiful boy. We loved you to bits

The last photo ever taken of Fred, by Suzanne

I feel utterly bereft, but also unable to take time to process what happened because, of course, I'm a long way away and I have the kids to look after. Of course I told them, and they are old enough to understand, but they aren't processing this emotionally yet either because we aren't where we would expect Fred to be.

Mr. on the other hand, is alone in the house and he feels Fred's absence keenly. He was also there and saw him dead. Fred wasn't actually with Mr. when he took ill - he was at his 'other home', his friend Suzanne, who has time-shared Fred with us for years now and has been treasuring him just as much as we have. She's on her own, and must be feeling the same pain - but I will be forever grateful that Fred died with her, rather than in a strange place or on his own while we were away. He would have felt safe and loved, and that is what matters.

Fred's death really overshadows the rest of the week, but other things have happened. I have the kids here and I have to carry on. By now, the separation from Mr. really hurts as well (it's four weeks apart!) and that's of course much amplified by the shared but separate grieving we are going through about Fred. We can't wait to be together again - Wednesday.

But, as for other things we did this week...

We borrowed bikes to do a bit of cycling -



Met my cousin Simone and her daughter at a scenic spot for lunch and playtime...





Went to Baden with my mother's best friend, who I only reconnected with a couple of years ago, for a bit of cultural appreciation and, more importantly, the pool!







I honestly could not believe she was even considering this...! (of course she didn't jump)



And finally, there was lots and lots of play with various friends we've made since arriving. One is a neighbour in this block of flats, a Syrian girl whose German is rather broken too (but who knows no English either) but somehow they communicate well and have lots of fun almost every day, in the yard or nearby playground.














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