A mother? Never ever did I think....
I never wanted to be a mother. My mother never wanted to be a mother. I took her attitude and built on it. She felt, and was, trapped by us children in a marriage to an abusive, manipulative, alcoholic womaniser. Two weeks after my birth she was back at work, her safe place. I grew up with an internal vow: I will never be trapped. That's why marriage was never a big goal for me; I had things to do, places to be, a big world to explore. When I became a Christian at 21, that didn't really change - I was out to experience as much of the world as I could, see places, do things. I did begin to serve God, but on my own terms: in my strengths, as a marketer, through work, in my friendships. Not in ways that would require real sacrifice or inconvenience. Children have always been, to put it mildly, an inconvenience in my view. They are needy, endlessly so, and whenever I would visit friends with kids I saw them as annoying interruptions to the (adult) conversation. I've nev