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Entering in

In case you hadn't figured this out already, I am not posting here as a parenting expert. I'm posting as a parent who learns on the job! And I'm posting what I'm learning, how I deal with things, at least in part so that my own children can look back on these writings and see what I was trying to do and why.

When my kids were little, I learned a very useful thing from Jean Liedloff's 1970's book The Continuum Concept (which I would recommend as the only book a new parent needs to read, it contains all you need until at least the toddler years), which was, to let my children be. To not push them, prod them, entertain them, monopolise their attention. Charlotte Mason has a good phrase for this: "Masterly Inactivity": the idea that I am around, so there is no need for the child to worry, but I am not the main show. 

They're amazing at teamwork!

So at playgroups for example, I would sit on the side with my coffee and chat with other mothers, or read a book - keeping an eye on the kids certainly, and straight away by their side if a problem arose, but I expected them to entertain themselves there. At home as well, I would only rarely play with them, I would ensure they had a safe space to play together or separately. Play just isn't my thing, and that's ok - this approach certainly yielded me a very peaceful lockdown, as the kids happily spent most of the time playing with each other!

However, things are changing. The kids are growing. I don't have toddlers any more, and the preschoolers have pretty much grown into what this country considers school age kids! This is a whole different ballgame, I find.

Despite having been very self sufficient up to now, they are looking to bring me much more into their world these days. And I'm challenged by that. It doesn't come naturally to me - but their invitations keep coming, and I need to follow - as requested, to enter in to their world rather than to manage it. I can tell they need me to do that now: they want me to see what they're seeing, understand their thinking, they look to me to interpret things - and they also want to enter into my world and see things through my eyes. They are ready.

If I decline too often, whether that's because I have other priorities (housework!?) or because I'm not comfortable following their lead, I know the invitations will become fewer and will eventually dry up. Now is the time, while they still want me, to enthusiastically follow and enter in - so that hopefully in ten years' time, my presence in their lives will be expected and welcomed. 

Enter in. 

Those words are on my mind today, and they challenge me, because they represent a fundamental shift in our relationship - not because I haven't been present in their lives, of course I have, but I have usually been in charge. I have initiated, I have made plans, I knew where things were going. Entering in is different, it's following their invitation into something I haven't planned, am not in charge of. Even if it's just a game, or something they want to look at - they initiate. And I need to overcome my discomfort with not being in charge. 

As they grow, I'm here to grow with them. I'm so here for it.

It's a beautiful adventure and I'm loving it - and I don't want to miss these important opportunities right here, right now. I love that they want me. I just need to let go of that sense of being out of my depth - I'm no child expert! - and just go with my gut. Because instinct isn't just for babies... everything in me is shouting that this is vital, right now, this is important. So I'm jumping in.

Entering in!

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