Playgroups: the end of an era for us

At a playgroup in 2019

For the past 4+ years, you'd find me at a playgroup on pretty much any weekday morning. What's not to love - a place full of toys and other children and messy activities I'd never cope with in my own house, the kids playing happily (mostly) without my input while I sit back in a corner with a coffee or chat with other mums. I've never understood mums who said it's too much effort to get out of the house for groups. As I see it, it's way too much effort to stay in!

These groups are for children up to school age though, and with N approaching that milestone in September, the end of playgroups has been looming on my horizon for some time. It's not so much that N is bored or unwilling to go - in fact I think she's only just reached a point of appreciating the storytime at the end of such groups! It's just that with most such groups it's simply an age thing, they cater to younger children. And that's fine.

So we have a real shift change come September, or actually, come summer really when they all take a break. No longer can I get out every morning, for very little money, and let them do their thing while I relax or chat.

At a playgroup - beginning of 2018

What's funny though is how, unexpectedly sometimes, I find myself moving on from things. When even last month I was still dreading the end of the toddler group era, I'm now getting really quite fed up with them and am ready to move on. It's not that something happened, particularly, but an internal shift has shifted my perspective and I'm just kind of done with it all now.

Most of the kids in the playgroups are younger than mine now. My kids are often a bit beyond the kinds of toys that are available, and it's rare in most playgroups (though there is one notable exception) for N to find kids to really play with.

I've also found them fairly hard work socially for me - the problems are many: firstly, I'm not great with big groups of strangers so I tend to talk with one or two I already know and don't really make new connections easily; secondly, there are usually already established relationships which, because I don't barge in, I feel I can't really get into; and lastly, there are just so many mums with whom I have things in common (and having things in common does not automatically translate to being able to form a friendship, case in point is that there's a home educating mum in my very road and we know each other and yet we just haven't clicked and I don't think this will ever be an actual friendship beyond the pleasantries) and many who seem really nice but it's a case of people overload. Maybe that's the introvert in me, but I'm finding it pretty overwhelming to "know" a huge number of mums - casually - and being friendly with them all, yet not actually forming anything approaching a friendship.

At a playgroup in 2017

Are there mums I'm friends with? Oh yes, and I've met some of them through toddler groups. But at this point I feel like no new connections will be made by the end of term and I'm already very thinly spread, so I can't see the value for me socially in attending the groups any more. We're still going because I appreciate the break but I'm literally sitting in a corner with a cup most of the time, not really seeking out conversations. I'm happy to talk if approached but for me putting myself out to try and start conversations is hard work and I'm now simply not at a place where I could sustain more true friendships.

If anything I feel myself drawing back from groups in general - there are home education meet ups I have started going to, one is weekly and one is fortnightly... yet I'm again not getting that much out of them socially (although the kids enjoy them so I'll keep going for the moment). In contrast to that we've met one family who live close by, with a daughter who's just a year older than N, and they get on like a house on fire and we as families do as well and I see huge value in that, in building with them for the longer term.

So... all this to say, I'm just observing with interest how something that seemed so difficult to approach - the end of playgroups for us - is now something I actually look forward to. It'll be a new era, a new shape to our days. I dreaded the kids dropping their naps and when they did I found it was actually easy; and this seems to be similar. It will be fine. We will be fine!