Joy I never knew could exist

I share a lot of cute kids snaps on social media, as well as the occasional funny anecdote, but beyond that I rarely share about what my mothering experience is really like.

Because it would sound like bragging. Even though it's anything but... it's me standing amazed at the awesomeness I never expected.

On social media, at least in the places I go, you get a lot of support if you share your struggles. But it's exactly that supportive environment that makes it hard to share the positive - because I know there's someone out there who's been dealt a different hand and is having a terrible time, and the last thing I want to be is smug.

But because my heart is just overflowing with joy, and because I'm keeping this blog at least in part as a sort of diary which the kids will be welcome to read later, let me share a few honest thoughts about this mothering thing. Joyous thoughts.

I fall in love with my children more every day. That's no exaggeration. As they grow I learn more about who they are, what they enjoy, what makes them laugh - daily. Their smiles, their laughter, dozens of times a day stops me in my tracks because they're so beautiful. I kiss them hundreds of times a day, and tell them of my love in every which way.

One of the effects this has had is that my children tell me, frequently, how much they love me. Best mummy in the world! they say. My heart swells up every time.

They are wonderful together. Their relationship, for kids aged 4 and 2.5 is incredibly loving. I've read that kids don't develop empathy until they're 6ish.... well that's not what I'm seeing. I see N(4) dissolving in tears and trying to stop me when I'm cross with D(2.5). Every time. I see D noticing that N has suddenly gone too shy to go up to Santa for her present, so going up himself for the second time to get it for her. I see D asking N: "are you ok?" when he thinks she's hurt. I see N telling me, "he needs mummy cuddles!" when he's upset. I see D telling N that she can go first out of the car (which she always wants), and stepping back to let her through - not once but every time.

How can I share any of this on social media without sounding like a braggart? And yet, I need to write these things down because I never ever want to forget them.

Do they have their moments of wrangling, shouting and arguing? Of course they do, but these are well outweighed by the times they get along beautifully.

The time is just too short. I go to bed every day just flabbergasted at the privilege I have in loving, and being loved, by these beautiful souls. If I could bottle those days ,I would. Even as I write this right now, they are either side of me snoozing in bed and I will get to sleep with their warm loving presence hemming me in.

I don't think there can be a greater joy this side of heaven.

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