Will Dig Life

It's been exactly a week since the birth. Our new addition is one week old: still brand new. This brand new human being is ours to care for, protect, and... name. Lots of thought has gone into her name, and I thought I'd share how we came to it; just so you know though, I won't use her actual name in this post as it's in the public domain. If you know us, you know her name. We chose her name (and a boy's name) almost as soon as we knew we were expecting. Choosing the baby's name was one of the very first things we could do for her, one of our first acts of parental decision making. In choosing the two names - a boy's and a girl's - we started off with some practical considerations: We needed to like the meaning of a name. I personally find 'flower' names for girls pretty meaningless - my own name means 'Lily' - so pretty names like Rose, Violet, Hazel were eliminated. Some Biblical names also carry meanings I didn't want to put...

As so many people have asked me, I've decided to write about my experience giving birth. Before I went through it myself, I read about it, took an NCT course with my Mr., and asked friends about their experiences. All of which was helpful, and did help prepare me, but on the day so much went differently and the reality looked and felt unlike anything I'd imagined - especially my fears, which loomed very large on the evening before: they came true (I was induced by drip) yet the fear turned out to have been worse than the reality. Our brand new daughter 20 hours old This post will be long, and it will be honest.  If you wish, stick with me; if you just want the gist of it, here goes: I was induced at 38 weeks and 5 days, after unsuccessful membrane sweep and prostaglandin gel the method was the syntocinon drip. From the start of established labour (3 hours after drip start) to birth was less than four hours, and I used gas & air (entonox) as pain relief. My daughter...

All the worry I'm facing at the moment about gestational diabetes, all the complications associated with that, have really taken up most of my thinking lately. I've been reading about it voraciously, too. And what I've been finding has been extremely helpful in bringing me back from the brink of panic, where I was last week. I'm grateful I had the glucose tolerance test that discovered my gestational diabetes. Because of it, I've been  very  careful about my diet in the weeks since. Gestational diabetes can cause complications because: the baby can grow too large sugar spikes in the mother can 'age' the placenta prematurely, causing it to deteriorate in function towards the end of pregnancy the baby can be born with too much insulin (as he/she was having to compensate for mother's sugar highs) Well, in my case - I know baby's perfectly sized because of weekly ultrasounds Baby's amniotic fluid is perfectly adequate too, not too muc...

As I sit here writing this, my belly is moving on its own. I'm getting kicked in the ribs. At 36 weeks, this bump has acquired a distinct life of its own. And like the life inside, I have changed and matured a lot in the last 36 weeks. I've never wanted to be a mother. When we got married, I agreed to be open to the possibility; and when I became pregnant, I knew how much I would need my heart to change over the months it would take to grow this baby.  And yes , it's happened - is still happening! So am I ready to be someone's mother for the rest of my life? Uh, that's way, way too big a question to contemplate! What I know is that I am a mother already. I haven't met my child, but he/she is real and alive and I am his/her mother.  And yes , I do love this child! Which is why I am terrified, utterly terrified to the point of crying every time I think of it, that he or she could possibly not be OK. I have gestational diabetes, which I control with a str...

Have you heard of the Ice Bucket Challenge? It's the latest social media craze. Everyone who's someone (or wants to be) is doing it - and not just in the States. If you can view it,  the BBC has picked up on it ... Most notably to date I think, even Bill Gates took it - using his own contraption! Oprah did it, Mark Zuckerberg did it, President Obama has been challenged as well, but has yet to respond. Why are people doing this? It's a fundraiser for ALS. And why does it matter? Because, according to the New York times, this harmless bit of fun has been powerful... As of Sunday, the [ALS] association said it had received $13.3 million in donations since July 29, compared with $1.7 million during the same period last year. So, why am I writing about this? I'm impressed, no awed, at the positive power of the Internet to bring to the attention of millions a disease that few people have, and therefore hardly any research is being done into. But it's not an acad...

Life -  God  - has a fine sense of irony sometimes. I'm on a diet. Now, to most people that would hardly be a big deal... but to me it is - I don't think I have  ever  said those words before! Back when I was trapped in food hell (I shared a bit more about this  here ), it would have  killed  me to admit I had anything other than a nondescript relationship with food.  Nobody could know . The fact that my weight losses and gains were impossible to miss, the fact that I had to carry my shame in public, in my body for all the world to see, how I hated it - but I would never say a word. Later, when I was in 12-Step recovery, I learned to admit publicly that I had a problem with food and was following a programme to address it. [The fact that I would never eat outside of three committed, weighed and measured meals - which sometimes meant taking the scale out in public and weighing my food at restaurants, conferences, working lunches etc. - co...

I've loved writing this little series, like taking a slow stroll down memory lane. Even though it's been less than three years - those were three eventful, life changing years and we're hurtling at speed towards the next milestone (baby!) so taking the time to sit and walk down that memory lane at leisure has been so lovely. One Proposal November 2012. It was a weekend like any other, I was in Bristol visiting Mr. and we were home, at his place. We were having a relaxed day with not much on at all. Over the time we'd spent talking, it had gone dark (as it does early in the day at that time of year) and we hadn't put the lights on. We sat, facing each other, and he went quiet as he held both my hands and seemed to hold them quite tightly. I just enjoyed the moment, a shared silence. After a while, I heard him say - very softly - " Please, marry me. " There was no fanfare. He wasn't on one knee. Because it had gone dark I couldn't see his face...