Shifting addictions vs. shutting them down
I have an addictive personality.
This might be inherited - after all, my father was a raging alcoholic - but then, my sister doesn't seem to have this issue... for me though, addictions are part of life. I'm all-or-nothing, fully in or fully out; in fact, I recently mentioned this to a friend and she pointed out (perceptively, which makes sense as she's a psychotherapist) that even my issues with keeping on top of housework come from this all-or-nothing thinking: I can't just clean the toilet because I notice it needs doing. If I start on the toilet, I can't not also clean the sink, the bathtub, the shower curtain, the radiator, the floor in the bathroom. And since I'll have started on the bathroom, I can't make excuses for the other rooms that need cleaning. And suddenly I have a full day of cleaning on my hands - all from needing to clean the toilet.
Am I aware this kind of thinking is unhelpful? Absolutely. Does that stop it? Nope.
Addictions are just another aspect of all-or-nothing. I have known this about myself since my teenage years, when I was smoking a pack a day of Marlboros from ages 13-19 (and then quit cold turkey, which was the hardest thing I'd ever done) or would binge eat to oblivion (which led me to quit sugar in my early 20's, and I haven't touched that again)... this is why I never drank alcohol. I've never been drunk - I know better than to try.
But addictions aren't just substances. They're also behaviours. And that's where I still struggle to this day.
I don't have a problem with cigarettes - haven't smoked in over 20 years. No problem staying away from sugars / grains / starches - that's been 20ish years too. Substances are not an issue; but my addictive personality remains, and the addictions have simply shifted.
My problem now: my phone.
That will probably surprise no one, people are becoming more and more aware of the addictive properties of smartphones. I'm very aware too. But everything I've done so far has merely shifted the addiction sideways, never fully off the phone... some things I've put in place so far, from least to most useful:
- Removing all the social media apps (yet some still work in browser!)
- Mute any notifications except calls / messages (I find this might cause me to check it MORE as I can't tell if something has arrived!)
- Phone in Grayscale
- Keeping phone in a different room
- Phone doesn't come to my bedroom and/or rule that phone doesn't come out when I'm with the kids (which is an issue since I'm usually with them - so when is it OK to check?)
- Using a paper planner / notebook that goes everywhere with me (this one is actually quite helpful in organising my day and preventing me forgetting things)
- Locking myself out of certain apps / websites, using a physical device called Padlock that I have to touch physically to take the lock off - this is very effective but I can't always bring myself to have it on!
Knowing myself and my weakness, I have never signed up for social media except Facebook - which I do need access to because there are lots of home ed groups which only post there, and without which I would miss out on important information. BUT, once I'm on Facebook, I lose myself quickly in the feed! And when I do try to steer clear of Facebook and/or it's blocked with Padlock - which is also able to lock me out of the browser access to it! - I end up buying stuff online, which is demonstrably worse as it has a direct impact on our finances as well!
Padlock locks me out of buying stuff also. But putting that on is the hardest decision to make - the monkey on my back hates it! Which is, to be fair, exactly why I need it.
It hurt to quit smoking. It was tough. Quitting sugar was, too. There's no reason to think that quitting my phone addiction should be easy.