Our love story
There's a wedding at our church tomorrow, two dear friends getting married and we'll be there cheering. And earlier this week another dear friend in a distant place has been in touch to say she's found love.
So today I'm reminiscing, thinking back to the heady days of getting to know Mr. and growing closer - sometimes I feel so settled in our togetherness, it's strange to think I haven't always been with him. But it's only been about two and a half years since we first met! So, if you'll please indulge me, I'll try to keep it short but this is the story of our love.
We met on holiday. Going with a group seemed like good option for me as a single who didn't want to be alone on holiday, but neither did I want to go on a 'singles' trip. I found Traveleyes, who offer group holidays where half the people in the group are blind/partially sighted and the other half are sighted. As a sighted guide, you just act as a friend and helper to a different person each day. And you get a discount! I figured that's a great way to meet some interesting people and have a fun holiday as well as being helpful, so needing to get away from the UK in winter and get some sun, I went to Fuerteventura with them. And so did Mr. for much the same reasons.
We met at Stansted Airport. He was late. I was wearing huge sunglasses. He tells me he didn't really know what to think of me hiding behind those; I was immediately attracted to him. He's handsome, but especially, his kind eyes.
The entire week was an intricate dance of getting to know one another, while we each had responsibility for a new person each day and wanted to make sure we spent quality time with them. We went on each of the optional outings, and often chatted. Somehow we happened to sit together at breakfast and dinner, and it wasn't long before others caught on that something was developing... in particular, one couple who teased and encouraged us in equal measure - until, on Friday at the end of the week (Saturday was home time) the guy more or less ordered Mr. to put his arm around me. Which he did. And then we walked back to the hotel arm in arm, and that sort of settled the matter.
The next day, home day, we knew we'd meet up again. I drove home late at night from the airport (he and others were staying overnight as it was very late) and heard nothing from him the next morning. I sat on my hands, got busy cleaning, trying to read - until finally, after midday, he texted. He'd thought I was going to sleep in and hadn't wanted to disturb. Phew!
I'm pretty sure that from that day on, we were in touch at least every day. He never 'played': I knew, all the time, that he was sincere and that he liked me. No games. I consciously let him set the pace - mostly - but he was always clear and honest with me: a quality of his that I still value hugely.
Faith & Love
When we met in Fuerteventura, it took us all week to establish that we were definitely going to meet up again, so it wasn't until the flight home that we had a real, deep conversation about... well, deep things. He asked me if I knew how old he was, and I honestly didn't - and was honestly surprised to find him 12 years my senior, which I'd never have guessed! Also, divorced. None of it thwarted the sense of peace I had, though, as I sat there in the airport cafe with him holding hands.
On the flight back, we had four more hours to talk. Cutting to the chase, at one point I asked: "What do you think of God?" - a pause, a breath, a gulp later, the answer boiled down to agnostic; he thought there was more than just the physical, that there was a spiritual dimension, but not a personal God with thoughts and feelings. My next question was, "So what do you live for?" - another pause, breath and gulp, I think he found that one harder to answer...
Once we'd met up back in the UK, where he came to a carols by candlelight service where I was part of the choir, I think he was intrigued by my faith. I hadn't kissed him, and had told him I didn't really want to kiss anyone other than my husband. [I still laugh at remembering this - when I said that, his taken-aback response was, "Where is he??" - so had to explain!] So my faith certainly had an impact on the way our relationship was progressing, which is perhaps why he wanted to learn more about it. When I asked if he'd like to do an Alpha Course and explained that it was an opportunity to learn about and ask questions about the Christian faith, he immediately said yes.
Having found a church near him that ran the course, for the next three months I would travel to Bristol every Wednesday after work to attend it with him. I was amazed and humbled to see him grapple with, question, and seriously examine the claims put before him with an open and curious mind, never just dismissing or ignoring an issue. I remember how I learned about Christianity and fought every. step. of. the. way. to find arguments against everything that I found!
I had a very hard time reconciling my growing love for him with the fact that, until a good three months into being together, we didn't share something as basic and deep as our faith: the defining factor in my outlook, world view, and identity. I couldn't stop feeling more and more deeply for him, yet I had no idea what he'd be thinking at the end of the course! It was a scary, emotionally risky time but I could not hold back.
Taken on our wedding day, just before I came down the aisle. One of my favourite photos of him, ever.
By the end of the course, Mr. had not had all his questions answered - I think no one ever has every single question answered - but he found it made sense and decided to follow Jesus. In his words: "I knew I needed help and direction in how to do life well. Glad I found it." Too easy, I wondered? Is he doing this because of me?
I made a point never to ask him if he was going to connect with that church, if he was going there on Sunday, if he was going to small group... I had to see what he'd do. And what he did was run with it. He became part of a small group (which I visited maybe twice before we were married; it was his group, his church, his walk and growth) and dove into this new life as if he'd been waiting for this all his life. I guess he had - I guess we all have - just some of us are perhaps more aware of that.
He knows he's found a good thing, and he's grabbed it with both hands. I feel privileged to have shown him to the signpost, but he's walked that road himself.
One Proposal
November 2012. It was a weekend like any other, I was in Bristol visiting Mr. and we were home, at his place. We were having a relaxed day with not much on at all. Over the time we'd spent talking, it had gone dark (as it does early in the day at that time of year) and we hadn't put the lights on. We sat, facing each other, and he went quiet as he held both my hands and seemed to hold them quite tightly. I just enjoyed the moment, a shared silence. After a while, I heard him say - very softly - "Please, marry me."
There was no fanfare. He wasn't on one knee. Because it had gone dark I couldn't see his face very well and I wasn't sure I'd heard him right.
"Are you asking...?" was my response, after a pause to try and make sure he hadn't said something else entirely.
"Yes. Yes, please, will you marry me?" he asked again, clearly this time. I just about managed to get my "Yes" out before just about falling into his arms.
Ring no. 1
After a while, he disentangled himself, took a breath, looked at me and said, "I don't have a ring..." - but then, having had an idea, he got up and went to the next room which was full of DIY materials as he'd been working on the bathroom. I heard him rumbling around some metal bits. I followed him over, and found him kneeling over a toolbox. Obviously having found what he'd been looking for, he turned to me - still on his knee - took my hand, and slipped onto my finger... a jubilee clamp!
That was ring no. 1, which I wore with butterflies in my belly for a week. He engraved a heart onto the clamp. It's still a treasured possession, but I don't wear it, as it oxidises!
Ring no. 2
A week later, we were in York and came across a vintage jeweller's. I got to choose my own engagement ring there, a beautiful 1920's art deco platinum ring without stone - that's ring no. 2. This is what I wear on my left hand.
The first wedding
We spent Christmas 2012 with my family in Austria, which meant that Mr.'s parents didn't see us at that time. So we invited them to come to Bristol for a weekend in January to celebrate and exchange presents.
Having asked them to come on Friday for a celebratory lunch, I took that day off work and drove to Bristol to meet up with Mr. and his parents just before lunchtime. We met and parked at the registry office's car park. I still remember Mr.'s dad asking if we were sure it would be no problem to park there as we went for our lunch and Mr. smilingly reassuring him that he was quite certain it would be fine... because, instead of leaving the grounds, we walked into the registry office - having a little errand to run before our lunch celebration, which was our legal marriage, at which they were the witnesses!
On our first wedding day
Once we entered the building, they understood, and the surprise was perfect.
Mr. and I were legally married in a tiny room, with a total of six persons present: ourselves, Mr.'s parents, the registrar and the officiant. The room was filled with sunlight streaming in, and the unforgettable moment for me was when Mr. faced me and made his vows with those kind eyes never leaving mine. He put ring no. 2 on my finger again, so the engagement ring became the wedding ring.
For more than two months after we became man and wife in the eyes of the law, nothing else changed. I continued to work and live in Reading and visiting Mr. on weekends, and we attended a pre-marriage course at our church: we just had a heady little secret!
The second wedding
We had set our 'official' date not long after our engagement, but had our legal wedding over two months before the official date because registry offices are apparently very busy places and we just about managed to grab the January date! The date we'd chosen was the weekend before Easter, for the practical reason that I wasn't actually able to finish my job in Reading until the end of March.
Rings no. 3 - matching wedding rings.
Engraved on mine: "I am my beloved's..."
Engraved on his: "...and my beloved is mine"
(from Song of Songs)
I had always avoided making wedding plans without a groom. I've never been the girl to pick out dresses and rings while still single - just didn't want to go there. After all, I wanted the groom to have a big say in everything to do with the wedding, not just arrive on the day in a suit! So when I actually did have a wedding to plan, I didn't do it on my own: Mr. and I were a team. We thought about what we valued and what mattered to us, and what didn't. The result was something of an unconventional, yet totally perfect-for-us event...
We're not into formal things. We love people. At our wedding, we wanted to be able to invite absolutely everyone! Friends, family, co-workers: it was to be a day of bringing everyone together. No RSVP's, no gifts, no registries - just a celebration for all. Luckily our Bristol pastor was totally up for it when we asked if we could just get married on a Sunday morning, in the course of a regular church service. This was the perfect solution: for us, there was no building or band to hire, no number of guests to plan for, no seating arrangements or decorating costs. And for everyone who came, an opportunity to hear the Gospel!
For me, my wedding day was also the day I became a member of this new church family in Bristol. They embraced the celebrations with huge enthusiasm! Everyone was dressed up on the day; one lovely lady took it upon herself to make us a wedding cake (we hadn't planned on having one); a professional chef, member of the church, cooked up a delicious buffet lunch so that after the service, everyone could just stay put and eat together.
Memorable moment of the day (although there were so many!) - after walking down the aisle to meet Mr. at the front, he leaned in for a kiss, which I refused... to everyone's great amusement... he made up for it at the end of our vows with a kiss that just about swept me off my feet!
And that's our story, folks.