Of course I think my kids are special...
... but it's a beautiful thing to get compliments about them.
I don't take all the credit for what they are like. To be truthful, most of the time I feel I'm doing a pretty lousy job at being present, being loving, being patient - in all the mothering, I fall short. I'm way too task-oriented, forever planning and sorting things out, and in the process I forget to actually love and cherish my children. So please don't think I'm super-mama.
Also, I've been given the easiest, most delightful, beautiful souls to mother. They are so easy to love. So easy to cherish. (and yet I fall short in actually doing that!)
All this to say, I've been dealt an incredibly easy hand, and I'm not even playing it particularly well, but we have made some decisions about how to bring up our kids that have, so far at least, brought beautiful fruit which others have noticed.
Of course, as their mum, I love them and I think they're exceptional and awesome and fantastic - I can't claim to be objective in those opinions, though! But when others go out of their way to mention how kind, articulate, personable or empathetic my kids are, that is an amazing validation of our approach and it's something I always try to give God thanks for: because it's not all due to us parents.
A few recent examples.
We visited some new friends who are part of Marriage Encounter, a marriage enrichment programme we've been involved with for a few years now. I had contacted them via email as we looked to find local families in Vienna; and so we went to meet them the other day. We knew the ages of the kids, and had seen their photos, but when we arrived at the train station and the mum met us there, N(11) immediately told her that she was feeling a bit shy and anxious at meeting her sons even though she's normally very good at making friends. Later, the mum told me that self-awareness like that and the ability to articulate those feelings is unusual (she was a teacher before, so knows kids that age well). To me, this kind of thing is just part of our regular conversations, so nothing remarkable; but she pointed it out. (I'll add - all the kids got along brilliantly and had a fantastic afternoon together)
Then the other day, a relative remarked on how open to me, happy / lighthearted and respectful my kids were - as opposed to other kids of similar ages, who begin to shut themselves off from their parents, act defiantly, and become sullen. I certainly do see some defiance in N occasionally, but I think it's fair that she asserts her own preferences and ideas more now as she grows older. I don't always let her have her way, as that's not always a possibility, but I respect the maturation process which this is part of. (Not that I particularly like it in the moment, necessarily!) - in general, we have a relationship of mutual negotiation and respect, so if the kids want something then they can try and convince me of it. But they'll also have to accept a no, if that happens to be the answer, and move on. Which they do; sullenness has never yet been a thing in our house, and I think the shutting themselves off from parents is largely caused by finding their main attachments elsewhere (on this: Gordon Neufeld's Hold On To Your Kids which is the only parenting book anyone ever needs!) - at school, online, or both. My kids' main attachments remain within the family, and that is by design and on purpose.
And then lastly, I randomly got chatting to this man by the Danube who heard the kids speaking English and began telling me some of his life story. In the course of our conversation we touched on children maturing so much quicker these days than they did when he was young, and I said that's part of the reason they don't have smartphones and won't have them for a long time yet. He was quite surprised and complimented me on this, saying what a solid yet courageous decision that was.
So - compliments are a beautiful thing. But, the other day I had a conversation about pride with my children. I explained to them that pride is a sin, and to be avoided. And then I had to confess that I definitely get tempted towards pride every time someone talks to me about them - because those compliments, they are always aimed at me. But I have to redirect them, if not out loud then at least in my mind, from pride in any 'accomplishments' of mine towards simple gratefulness for the gift... and what a great gift it is, seeing the way they are turning out to be. A gift to me, and my daily challenge is to learn to love them better.
You can leave me a comment about this!